


File 3: The Mailbox

by TenshiWarrior



Series: The Guide to the Unexplained [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenshiWarrior/pseuds/TenshiWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper, Soos, Andrew and Gary discover a mailbox in the woods.</p>
            </blockquote>





	File 3: The Mailbox

**_Alright, everything’s all set up? You got that letter?_ **

 

**_Yup!_ **

 

**_As ready as I’ll ever be I guess._ **

 

**_I got it dude._ **

 

**_Here we go… 3, 2, 1._ **

* * *

 

The camera turned on and it was revealed to be Dipper holding the camera. “Hello, and welcome back to the Guide to the Unexplained.” He said to the camera, “Today we’re gonna be looking at anomaly #54…”

 

Dipper picked up the cardboard cover which had read…

 

“ **_The Mailbox_ ** ”

 

Dipper turned the camera over to a single old rusted mailbox that stood alone in the middle of the forest. 

 

“There it is. Just sitting there in the middle of the forest.” Dipper said, “There’s no house nearby, not even an address on the mailbox. Today, myself and team of experts…” 

 

Both Soos, Andrew and Gary walked into the view of the camera. 

 

“Hello audience!” Gary greeted with a smile.

 

“Hi there, I’m new.” Andrew waved. 

 

“Sup dude?” Soos said to the camera.  

 

“... Are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up.” Dipper finished. 

 

“Soos’ letter, posits a simple, salient question.” Andrew said. Soos showed the letter to the camera. “ _ Sup dawg _ ?” Soos read. Gary went and opened the mailbox and Soos had placed the letter inside; Gary closed the mailbox shut. 

 

Dipper said, “Okay, now we’re gonna go hide behind a bush and wait for someone to--What!?” 

 

“Oh dude!” 

 

“Holy Moses!” 

 

“Hot belgian waffles!” 

 

The mailbox began to shake violently and suddenly the flag stood upright; when it had done that, the mailbox had stopped shaking. “Did you see that!?” Soos said to them. 

 

“Yeah, of course we saw it!” Andrew said. 

 

“Dipper, please tell me you got that on camera?” Gary asked. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, I did.” He replied. 

 

Dipper placed the camera down and went to join the group, eyeing the mailbox. “Open it!” Dipper said to them. “Are you crazy, I’m not opening that!” Andrew said. 

 

“You open it!” Soos suggested to Dipper, “I’m not touching a haunted mailbox!”

 

“Go on Dipper, I dare you.” Gary said. 

 

Dipper gulped and opened the mailbox; he reached inside as he squeezed his eyes shut. But what he pulled out of the mailbox was… A different letter?

 

“What?” Dipper said looking at it, seeing as how the paper was different from the one they had put in the mailbox earlier. 

 

“That wasn’t there before.” Gary said. 

 

“But how can that be?” Andrew asked with confusion. Dipper opened the letter and they were all shocked to see what it had read. Soos showed it to the camera. “ **_Hello, Dipper, Soos, Andrew and Gary_ ** .” He read. 

 

“It knows our names!” Dipper said with awe. 

 

“That’s insane!” Gary said astonished. 

 

“I can’t believe it!” Andrew said with awe as well. 

 

Soos had asked them, “What if this thing is all knowing?” 

 

The three of them looked to Soos, having the same question on their mind as well. 

 

“We gotta test it.” Dipper said to the group.

* * *

 

The camera turned on and it showed the group once again in front of the mailbox; Andrew and Soos stood there with two more letters. “Okay, so Soos and I wrote two questions for the mailbox to answer. One is simple, one is difficult.” Andrew explained before showing the first letter. 

 

“ _ What is my mother’s first name _ ?” Andrew read before he gave a brief explanation, “Skyla is my mom’s middle name, but no one in the town knows this since she doesn’t like being called by her first name for a reason unknown; my brother and I know her first name, but I think Stan might know why she likes to be called by her middle name though I don’t think I wanna ask. With that being said…” 

 

Andrew placed the letter in the mailbox and closed it shut. Just like before the mailbox shook and the flag stood upright; the shaking had stopped. Andrew opened the mailbox taking out the letter from the mailbox. 

 

“ **_Alexandria_ ** .” Andrew had read, “Huh, it was dead on.” 

 

“Alexandria doesn’t sound like a bad name.” Dipper said. 

 

“I know right, it’s weird.” Gary said, “Anyway… Soos, the next question.” 

 

Soos showed the letter to the camera, “ _ What did I shave my hair into this morning? _ ” He read. 

 

“This should be interesting, I mean, Soos didn’t even tell us this.” Dipper said.

 

He put the flag down and placed the letter inside shutting it. The mailbox shook again, and the flag stood up. Soos opened the mailbox and read the letter aloud, “ **_A baby duck holding a paddleball_ ** .” Soos gasped at this, “Dude! It knew!” 

 

Soos removed his head and showed the back of his head to the group. They gasped when they saw that the mailbox was spot on. 

 

“What!?” 

 

“Holy Moses!” 

 

“O...M...G! That is so cool!” 

 

Soos hatched an idea, “Let’s ask it more questions!”

* * *

 

- **_Day 1: Dipper’s Question_ ** -

 

Dipper wrote down his question for the day. “ _ When does the world end? _ ” Dipper wrote before placing it into the box. After a brief moment, he got his answer. 

 

“ **_3012_ ** .” Dipper read, “Huh, we got a while.

* * *

- **_Day 2: Soos Question_ ** -

 

Soos had written down his question for the day.

 

“ _ Who is my dream woman? _ ” Soos read. He placed the letter in the mailbox and had gotten his answer. He had a picture of a muscular woman. “Ho! Ho! Ho! Hot tamales!” Soos said, “I’m saving this one for the archives!” With that Soos had placed the picture into his pocket.

- **_Day 3: Gary’s Question_ ** -

 

Gary showed his question of the day. 

 

“ _ Any chance I can ever be a movie celebrity? _ ” He read. 

 

After placing the letter in the mailbox _ ,  _ Gary had gotten his answer.

 

“ **_No, but there is a chance you can be famous photographer like your grandmother_ ** .” Gary read, “Welp, can’t argue with that!”

* * *

 

- **_Day 4: Andrew’s Question_ ** -

 

“ _ Will I ever find true love? _ ” Andrew read, before placing it into the mailbox. 

 

He had soon gotten his answer. 

 

“ **_I see a certain ginger in your future._ ** ” Andrew read. He turned slightly red at this. 

 

“It’s not talking about who I think it’s talking about is it?” Andrew said tugging on the collar of his shirt.

* * *

 

Dipper was next to go again on asking the mailbox, but he was struggling to think of what to ask. Soos, Gary, and Andrew were throwing him suggestions. 

 

“Um… Let’s see…” Dipper thought, “What is the exact time and date of my death?” 

 

“Did aliens build the pyramids!?” Soos suggested. 

 

“Will there be smell-o-vision?!” Gary said

 

“What is the meaning of life!?” Andrew had also suggested. 

 

“What are marshmallows made of!?” Soos suggested a second time. 

 

“Who wrote journal 3!?” Dipper said. 

 

The whole group seemed to have agreed to that. “Yes do it! Ask who wrote the journal!” They practically said. 

 

Dipper had gotten excited at this, “This is it! We’re finally gonna get the mysteries to Gravity Falls!” 

 

Just than Mabel had gotten into the view of the camera. “Nifty! A mailbox!” She said, “I’ve been wanting to mail mom this video of me, sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose!” 

 

“ **NO!** ” They exclaimed. Though it was too late, Mabel had placed the package inside the mailbox and it shook before the flag stood upright. Dipper took out the letter and read it, “ **_Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass._ ** ” 

 

The mailbox had started to glow and the ground shook. 

 

“What the--!?” Soos said. 

 

“ **RUN! QUICK!** ” Andrew shouted.

 

Everyone quickly ran from the mailbox just as it imploded, the whole screen turned to static.

* * *

 

When the camera came on again, the whole group was covered in ash and soot and they’re hair looked a bit messed up after the mailbox had just exploded. 

 

“Well…” Dipper said before coughing, “That concludes this episode of the Guide to the Unexplained. Where we learned when dealing with the unknown…  **DO NOT MAIL VIDEOS OF YOURSELF SHOVING GUMMY WORMS UP YOUR NOSE!!** ”

 

Mabel smiled and said while pulling out a bag of gummy worms, “There’s plenty more where that came from!” 

 

Mabel started to put them up her nose while she sang; Dipper quickly ran to the camera. 

 

“ **SHOW’S OVER! TURN OFF THE CAMERA--!** ”

* * *

 

**_BONUS (Day ???? Mira’s Question_ ** **)**

 

Late at night, Mira had gone into the forest since she heard from Dipper that they found a mailbox that knows everything. She found the mailbox in the middle of forest like Dipper said. She looked around and sighed with relief when she found that no one was there. She placed the flashlight nearby and turned on the camera. 

 

“This is Miracle Pines. Mira for short.” Mira said, “No one knows that I’m out here, not even my brother or sister. I’ve been wanting to know this for a while now, and it’s killing me just thinking about it. When I heard from Dipper that this mailbox knows everything, I knew it could tell me. I just need one question answered than I’ll go back to the shack for the night.” 

 

She showed the camera what her question was, “ _ The man I keep seeing in my dreams, who is he? _ ” Mira had read. 

 

Mira approached the mailbox and placed the letter inside, closing it shut. She jumped when she saw the mailbox begin to shake and the flag stood upright. She opened the mailbox and saw that there was a different letter inside. 

 

Mira opened the letter and gasped when she saw the answer. She looked to the camera than to the letter putting a hand over her mouth when she read the answer that had only a single word on it. She folded up the letter and put it in her pocket, before going to turn off the camera.

 


End file.
